Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
