I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
