i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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