Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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