I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
