the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm both gender and math confused
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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