Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
