Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
