Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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