No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
