Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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