I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
