I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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