i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
