get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
