I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
