I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
