Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just sent this text using only my big toe
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
