whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
