It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
