can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
