My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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