I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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