pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
