he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
