I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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