I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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