any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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