I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
