Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so let's talk penis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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