You're completely useless in the revolution.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
