I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
