yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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