So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
