I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
