Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
