that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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