i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have feelings that need drinking.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
