Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
