I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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