his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
