Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
