sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
