how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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