I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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