i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
