Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
