My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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