I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
