they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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